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I shot a moose, once. I was hunting up -state New York, and I shot a moose, and I strap him on to the fender of my car.
曾打到過一頭駝鹿。我到紐約的西北邊狩獵，我打到了一頭駝鹿。我把他捆在我車子的前杠上。
And I'm driving home along the west side highway, but what I didn't realize was, that the bullet did not penetrate the moose.
我沿著西邊公路驅車回家。但是我當時沒意識到子彈并沒有穿透這頭駝鹿。
It just creased the scalp, knocking him unconscious.
它只是擦了一下頭皮，把它弄昏過去了。
And I'm driving through the Holland tunnel - the moose woke up.
在我開車通過“荷蘭隧道”時，駝鹿醒了過來。
So I'm driving with a live moose on my fender. The moose is signaling for a turn, you know.
所以我正開著車，前杠上馱著一頭活著的駝鹿。這駝鹿還會打出轉彎的手勢。
There's a law in New York State against driving with a conscious moose on your fender, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday.
紐約州有一條法律：在星期二、星期四和星期六，你開車時前杠上馱著一頭有知覺的駝鹿是違法的。
And I'm very panicky, and then it hits me: some friends of mine is having a costume party.
因此我感到特別緊張，可我突然想起來：我有幾個朋友正在舉辦化裝舞會。
I'll go, I'll take the moose, I'll ditch him at the party. It wouldn't be my responsibility.
我這就過去。我要帶上駝鹿一塊去，然后在舞會上把他甩掉，那樣就不是我的責任了。
So I drive up to the party and I knock on the door.
于是我開車來到舞會地點，敲響了房門。
The moose is next to me. My host comes to the door. I say "Hello. You know the Solomons".
駝鹿就站在我旁邊。舞會的主人過來開門，我說：“你好啊。你應該認識所羅門吧。”
We enter. The moose mingles. Did very well. Scored.
我們進了屋，駝鹿馬上混入了來賓當中。干得不錯，有本事。
Two guys were trying to sell him insurance for an hour and a half.
有兩個家伙甚至向它推銷了一個半小時的保險。
Twelve o'clock comes - they give out prices for the best costume of the night.
午夜十二點，到了頒發當晚最佳服裝獎的時候了。
First price goes to the Burcowiche's, a married couple dressed as a moose.
第一名頒給了伯科維奇夫婦，他們夫妻兩個化裝成一頭駝鹿。
The moose comes in second. The moose is furious.
駝鹿只拿到第二名。駝鹿怒不可遏。
He and the Burcowiches lock antlers in the living room. They knock each other unconscious.
它在客廳里拿鹿角和伯科維奇展開了角斗。他們把對方都打昏在地。
Now, I figured, is my chance. I grab the moose, strap him onto my fender, and shoot back to the roads, but I got the Burcowiches.
現在，我想正好給了我一個機會。我抓過駝鹿，又把它捆到我車子的前杠上，然后我飛速上路。但是我捆的是伯科維奇。
So I'm driving along with two jewish people on my fender, and there's a law in New York State...Tuesdays, Thursdays and especially Saturday.
因此我正開著車，前杠上馱著兩個猶太人。紐約州有一條法律：在星期二、星期四、特別是星期六。
The following morning the Burcowiches wake up in the woods, in a moose suit.
第二天早上，伯科維奇夫婦在林子里蘇醒了過來，仍穿著駝鹿裝。
Mr. Burcowich is shot, stuffed and mounted-at the New York Athletic Club, and the joke is on them, because it's restricted.
伯科維奇先生被射殺、被填料、被做成標本放到了“紐約運動俱樂部”【1】。好笑的地方在于，這是個嚴格限制會員的俱樂部。【2】
