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Relax. He is the same little boy you loved yesterday. I smiled trying to hold back the tears. “No he isn’t. Yesterday I dreamed he would be an astronaut. Today I am hoping he will learn to talk.”
放松。他仍是你昨天愛著的那個小男孩。我笑著,試圖抑制住眼里的淚水。“不,他不是。昨天我還夢想著他長大后會成為一名宇航員,今天我只希望他能學會說話。”
It was like some sort of cosmic joke. I could still recall the day that determined my fate. It was October in Ottawa and the summer breezes had given way to the autumn rainfall of leaves. The snow would begin soon. The crispness of coming frost was in the air. My casually mentioning Wyatt’s behavior to Dr. Martin aroused his worries. He started asking me questions about Wyatt’s activitie speech pattern and emotions. I still see clearly in my mind the sterility of the room and all its belongings when the doctor turned to me and said, “He almost sounds autistic.”
那就像個宇宙般巨大的玩笑。我仍能憶起決定我命運的那個日子。那是在渥太華十月里的一天。秋日的紛飛黃葉取代了夏日的陣陣微風,很快就要開始下雪了,空氣里彌漫著霜雪將至的那份清爽。我不經意地向馬丁醫生提及懷亞特的一些行為,卻引起了他的擔憂。他開始詢問我有關懷亞特的行為、說話方式以及情緒方面的問題。我仍清晰地記得,當他轉向我說“他應該是患有自閉癥”時,一塵不染的診室和內里的一切在我眼中是那么的冷酷蒼白。
I couldn’t cope with that picture in my mind. I had to run to get away from this all too painful place that was reminding me of what was to be my child’s life-being strange.
我無法面對腦中的那個畫面。我不得不逃離那個讓我感到如此痛苦的地 方——它提醒著我自己的孩子一生將有別于常人。
I could not remember how many times I told myself, “This is normal. He is a little boy who is not talking yet,” when my asking questions met with his blank-eyed response in a restaurant; how many times I would brag, “He loves to play on his own for hours at a time and he never gets into trouble,” when Wyatt was playing games that no one else could conceive of, let alone join in while other boys in the park were playing together or in small groups huddled around a sand pail or toy truck. My life was changing direction. So was Wyatt’s.
我都記不起來,多少次,在餐館里孩子對我的提問以空洞的眼神作答時,我告訴自己“這很正常,他是個還不會說話的小孩”;多少次,當公園里的其他孩子正一起玩耍,或是小群小群圍著一個沙桶或玩具火車玩時,懷亞特卻玩著別人無法想象的游戲,更別說加入其他孩子中時,我會吹噓道“他每次都喜歡獨自玩上幾個小時,而且從不惹麻煩。”我的人生方向在改變,懷亞特的也如此。
I started to hide Wyatt from my friends and neighbor especially from a good friend. For eight months a friend and I had been pregnant together. Our boys were six days apart. We used to have long phone talks about our babies to share some fun and loss. It was too painful to let others know about my boy acting strange. It was like a blot in my life that was supposed to be happy and wonderful.
我開始不讓懷亞特在我的朋友和鄰居面前露面,特別是我的一個好友。我和她同在那八個月里懷著寶寶。我們兒子的出生日期只相隔六天。我們過去常常在電話里長談我們的寶寶,分享樂與失。讓他人知道我的兒子行為異常,這對我來說太痛苦了,那就像是我本該幸福美好的人生中的一個污點。
It was a Thursday afternoon and I found one half of a great pair of kitchen scissors was missing. They were unbelievably sharp and could be taken apart so they could be washed or the blades sharpened. I knew Wyatt had taken the missing blade.
那是一個周四的下午。我發現廚房里的一把大剪刀少了半邊。剪刀很鋒利,兩邊可以拆開來清洗或是磨刀口。我知道那不見了的半邊剪刀是懷亞特給拿走了。
“Wyatt,” I began as patiently as I could, “Do you see this” I held up the blade. “Do you know what this is?”
“懷亞特,”我盡可能耐心地開始問話,“你看見這個了嗎”我拿起那半邊剪刀,“你知道這是什么嗎”
Wyatt stuffed a bunch of Fruit Loops in his mouth. No response.
懷亞特往嘴里塞了一把“水果圈圈”糖,并沒回答。
“Wyatt!” I forced eye contact with him. “Where are the other scissors See these” I showed him the half pair. “These are in this drawer. Where are the other ones?”
“懷亞特!”我強迫他和我對視。“另外半邊剪刀在哪看見這個了嗎”我給他看那半邊剪刀。“這半邊剪刀放在這個抽屜里。另外半邊呢”
He grinned big. Ate Fruit Loops. Turned the TV on and off. Still no response.
他咧開嘴大笑,吃著“水果圈圈”糖,把電視開了又關,還是沒回答。
I didn’t know what to do. It was really hard. “Wyatt,” I tried once more, “Mommy wants these scissors. Can you go get them for Mommy It will make Mommy so happy if you bring me the scissors.”
我不知道該怎么辦。這真的太困難了。“懷亞特,”我又試了一次,“媽咪需要用剪刀。你能拿給媽咪嗎如果你把剪刀的那邊拿給媽咪,我會很開心的。”
“Watch Spongebob” Wyatt asked as he slid down from his kitchen 12)stool and ran off, leaving me shaking my head and wondering in exactly which way this situation was going to end badly.
“看動畫片《海綿寶寶》嗎”懷亞特邊問邊從廚房里的那張板凳上滑下來跑開,只留我一個人搖著頭,不知道這種狀況將會以何種糟糕的方式才能結束。
Five minutes later, I turned my head to see Wyatt coming downstair his favorite doll in one hand, the missing half pair of kitchen scissors in the other. I immediately ran over and took it from him.
五分鐘后,我轉過頭看見懷亞特走下樓梯,一手拿著他最喜歡的娃娃,一手拿著廚房那剪刀缺了的那半邊。我立刻跑過去,從他手上把半邊剪刀奪了過來。
“Wyatt!” I hugged him. “Thank you for bringing me the scissors! Good job! You did it! These scissors need to stay in the kitchen. These are Mommy’s scissors!”
“懷亞特!”我抱著他。“謝謝你把剪刀拿給我!干得好!你做到了!這些剪刀要放在廚房里。這些是媽咪的剪刀啊!”
Wyatt laughed, looked me straight in the eye and said, “Mommy so happy!”
懷亞特笑了。他直直地盯著我看,說道“媽咪好開心!”
I was on the verge of tears. A realization dawned on me that he was the best gift I had ever gotten even though he was not as normal as other children. And why did I hide him from others as if he were some dark and terrible secret No! He was my pride. It was a long, hard battle to get him to this point, expressing his wants and needs without resorting to violence in frustration. In fact, each new day brings out a new set of challenges and we have learned a lot about fighting this thing called autism. With love and patience I have found the beautiful, happy boy who would teach me more about life.
我的淚水快掉下來了。我忽然意識到,他是我得到的最棒的禮物,盡管他不像其他孩子那般正常。而我為什么要把他藏起來不讓別人看見,仿佛他是個見不得人的可怕的秘密不!他是我的驕傲。他走到今天,能表達出自己所需而非沮喪地訴諸暴力,這是經過了一場漫長而艱辛的戰役的。事實上,每一個嶄新的日子都給我們帶來了一連串新挑戰,而在與這被稱為“自閉癥”的事物抗爭的過程中,我們學到了很多。帶著愛和耐心,我發現這個漂亮而快樂的男孩將教會我更多生活的東西。
And that is the solution to my cosmic riddle.
而這就是我這宇宙之謎的謎底。
