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How To Stay Lovers As Well As Parents
Children can bring great joy to a marriage，and they deserve our love and attention．But t heir arrival can alter1) the couple' s usual way of doing things，and even the way they feel about each other．There is great harm in boxing ourselves into a role of“servants of children．”We mistakenly think that the children of course can' t take care of themselves，but that marriage can．When time together as a couple is at the bottom of the priority list，not only do we parents suffer，but our children suffer too．
Couples can have passion in your love life again if you strike a happy balance between your needs and those of your children．Begin by acknowledging that you are lovers as well as parents．Staying lovers with your spouse is，in fact，essential to keep harmony in the family．“Romance，on the scale of human needs，may not rank quite as high as food or shelter，”writes author Laurence Shames．“But it does not fall much farther down－－it' s one of the things we live for．”It' s easy to forget this．When we become parents，many of us suddenly feel we must be serious，no－nonsense2) people．But who doesn't desire a happy and vigorous3) marriage？Here are some ways to create that romance．
1.Keep each other interested．Real life is not a romantic fairy tale．The baby spits up4) and cries a lot．There are bills to pay and laundry to do．No one can be Prince or Princess Charming all the time．But you can create an environment that is conductive to romance，and bring out the lover in your spouse．One friend of mine，Joyce，felt that her marriage was in the doldrums5)．She is too busy with the kids，and her husband hi s work．There seems to be a wall between them．Then one day，she sent the kids to her mother's house．Putting on her most beautiful dress，she greeted her husband at the door．Amazed，her husband gave her a long kiss and then carried her inside．They sat by a cozy fire，then had an intimate dinner and had a fantastic time．
After couples have been married for a while and especially when the baby is born，spouses often get the notion that the hunt is over．They stop trying to make themselves attractive and stimulating．Keep in mind that we are living in a world full of temptations of all sorts，don' t let go your efforts to be appealing to your spouse and keep each other interested．
1. Have fun away from the children．When Melly turned 35,she and her husband celebrated for two nights in San Francisco．“We had a blast6)。”she recalled．“I didn't want it to be over．But you know，you always pay for it in the end．”“What do you mean？”I asked．“Well，you end up feeling guilty because you had so much fun away from the kids．”
Melly，like many other parents today，carries around with her an unrealistic sense of parental duty that can put a damper on a potentially enjoyable evening．For some couple，it prevents them from going out together，except to attend weddings，funerals．But to maintain romance and intimacy7） in your relationship，it is crucial that you set aside time to have fun together and not sabotage the occasion with guilt．
It's not easy to separate from children，especially if one of them is screaming and clinging to you like a leech while your husband is waiting impatiently in the car．Train yourself to realize that getting out with your spouse is essential for you to be a good parent，good lover，a good person．
3.Become a couple of lovers again．Create a fun evening for yourselves in such a way that you become a couple of lovers again，not Joey' s dad or Janie's mom．If you spend the whole evening out discussing the kids and problems at work，you are missing the point．Often there is a need to talk about those things，but couples who have fun limit discussion of family issues．At dinner，talk turns to current events，books，music，art，good times．
“My husband and I always start with a toast to our love for each other－－and to successfully getting out of the house。Then we talk about when we were younger and some of the risks we've taken，like going rafting down a river，”tells Julie，mother of two little boys．“That kind of reminiscing8) sets up for an exciting evening．”
4.Magic of surprises．Malcolm，the father of two preteen children，once sneaked out the back door and rang the front door bell．When his wife answered，he gave her a single rose and asked her for a date．“I felt like a schoolgirl again．”She told her friend with excitement and pride．
Surprise，a gift，an invitation to dinner or a movie，or an air ticket for a trip can work like a magic that creates the romance and sparkle in your love life．Parents need to allow themselves time to have fun－－to laugh and enjoy themselves．Creating romantic moments can be a terrific antidote for restlessness and discontent．When couples make the effort to generate enthusiasm in their relationship，they build a powerfully intimate connection，one that invigorates a mature love with a young romantic love．
