What I have Lived for 我為何而生

Three passions, simple but overwhelmingly strong, have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind. These passions, like great winds, have blown me hither and thither, in a wayward course, over a deep ocean of anguish, reaching to the very verge of despair.

I have sought love, first, because it brings ecstasy---ecstasy so great that I would often have sacrificed all the rest of my life for a few hours for this joy. I have sought it, next, because it relieves loneliness---that terrible loneliness in which one shivering consciousness looks over the rim of the world into the cold unfathomable lifeless abyss. I have sought it, finally, because in the union of love I have seen, in a mystic miniature, the prefiguring vision of the heaven that saints and poets have imagined. This is what I sought, and though it might seem too good for human life, this is what---at last---I have found.

With equal passion I have sought knowledge. I have wished to understand the hearts of men. I have wished to know why the stars shine. And I have tried to apprehend the Pythagorean power by which number holds sway above the flux. A little of this, but not much, I have achieved.

Love and knowledge, so far as they were possible, led upward toward the heavens. But always it brought me back to earth. Echoes of cries of pain reverberate in my heart. Children in famine, victims tortured by oppressors, helpless old people a hated burden to their sons, and the whole world of loneliness, poverty, and pain make a mockery of what human life should be. I long to alleviate the evil, but I cannot, and I too suffer.

This has been my life. I have found it worth living, and would gladly live it again if the chance were offered me.

三種激情雖然簡單，卻異常強烈，它們統治著我的生命，那便是：對愛的渴望，對知識的追求，以及對人類苦難的難以承受的同情。這三種激情像變化莫測的狂風任意地把我刮來刮去，把我刮入痛苦的深海，到了絕望的邊緣。

　　我曾經尋找愛，首先是因為它能使我欣喜若狂——這種喜悅之情如此強烈，使我常常寧愿為這幾個小時的愉悅而犧牲生命中的其他一切。我尋求愛，其次是因為愛能解除孤獨——在這種可怕的孤獨中，一顆顫抖的良心在世界的邊緣，注視著下面冰涼、毫無生氣、望不見底的深淵。我尋求愛還因為在愛的融合中，我能以某種神秘的圖像看到曾被圣人和詩人想象過的天堂里未來的景象。這就是我所追求的東西，雖然這似乎對于人類的生命來說過于完美，但這確實是我最終發現的東西。

我懷著同樣的激情去尋找知識，我曾渴望著理解人心，我曾渴望知道為何星星會閃爍，我還企圖弄懂畢達哥拉斯所謂的用數字控制變化的力量，但在這方面，我只知道一點點。

　　愛的力量和知識的力量引我接近天堂，但同情之心往往又把我拉回大地。痛苦的哭泣回響、震蕩在我的心中。饑餓的兒童，被壓迫、受折磨的人們，成為兒孫們討厭的包袱的、無助的老人們，充斥著整個世界的孤獨的氣氛，貧窮和苦難，所有這一切都是對人類生活原本該具有的樣子所作的諷刺。我渴望消除一切邪惡，但我辦不到，因為我自己也處于苦難之中。

這就是我的生活，我認為值得一過。而且，如果有第二次機會，我將樂意地再過一次．