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Why women lie
Author Susan Shapiro Barash and relationship expert Argie Allen discuss the reasons females are carrying around deep, dark secrets.
Advice columnist Ann Landers once said that the naked truth is always better than the best-addressed lie. But some new information on women and lying could leave you wondering was anyone listening.
I'm sleeping with a 25-year-old.
what did you just say?
I'm sleeping with a 25-year-old.
On NBC's Lipstick Jungle, one woman lies on the job when accused of sexual harassment.
Is there any truth? Jay's claim?
No, absolutely not.
And in the classic film, Belle de Jour, this woman is both chaste wife and unknown to her husband, a prostitute.
Sure, these are the stories of the big and small screen, but might they reflect real-life drama more than you'd initially think?
A new book "Little white lies, deep dark screts" suggested that the answer to that question is yes. Its author found women use lies in a broad range of areas as a means to an end. 75% of women say have to lie in the workplace to sustain their positions. 60% admit to an addiction secret. 50% have mixed emotions about mothering.
I think that women, you know, keep secrets in order to protect themselves. uh, nobody likes to be judged, you know, I do have a very open relationship with my children, but when they ask me direct questions, I don't feel it's always beneficial to, you know, to answer them.
I think everyone, you know, conceal the truth, all throughout their day at different times, in different ways, in different situations, and because of that, you know, all different types of things can be considered lying, yeah.
Sometimes, you're left better unsaid, if that, if that telling a lie by not telling how you really feel, then I do, I'm guilty of it.
Lying is a survival mechanism, so we yes, we definitely all do it.
And Susan Shapiro Barash, she is the author of "Little white lies, deep dark secrets". Argie Allen is a relationship therapist. Good morning to both of you.
I want to point out that those two women, you just saw, they are not serial liars by any means, they are just speaking in general terms about women and lying. And Susan, you found out through your research that most women live by this code of lying, secrets and deception. Is it something that's hardwired in us, or is it nurtured?
I think it's both, Merida, it's partly the culture, really almost encouraging women to make a secret of anything that isn't what they're supposed to do, perhaps, an addiction, women lie about money, and then nurturing while our mothers have often taught us how to lie compassionately, you don't tell your friend she doesn't look good in a dress, you don't tell your husband you don't like the necklace he brought home.
But those are innocent lies, aren't they?
Innocent lies, but they can take you to the lie that you really need and sometimes it's just expedient to lie. So women have to decide.
We have some of our viewers email us things that they lie about, and one woman wrote my biggest lie would be my happiness in my marriage. I'm actually miserable but put on the facade that all is ok. Another said that I don't tell my husband exactly how much money we have and what we owe. I also don't tell him how much of a tax refund we received.
Now those, those are going towards the bad, aren't they?
Well, these are betterment lies, thy lie improves the situation, and you know if you reveal your secret, you feel that it is not really going to help you.
