If anyone asked you what were the main means of communication between people, what would you say? That isn't catch question. The answer is simple and obvious. It would almost certainly refer to means of communication that involve the use of words. Speakers and listeners - oral communication, and writers and readers - written communication. And you'd be quite right. There is, however, another form of communication which we all use most of the time, usually without knowing it. This is sometimes called body language. Its more technical name is non-verbal communication. Nonverbal, because it does not involve the use of words. NVC for short.

When someone is saying something with which he agrees, the average European will smile and nod approval. On the other hand, if you disagree with what they are saying, you may frown and shake your head. In this way you signal your reactions, and communicate them to the speaker without saying a word. I referred a moment ago to "the average European", because body language is very much tied to culture, and in order not to misunderstand, or not to be misunderstood, you must realize this. A smiling Chinese, for instance, may not be approving but somewhat embarrassed.

Quite a lot of work is now being done on the subject of NVC, which is obviously important, for instance, to managers, who have to deal every day with their staff, and have to understand what other people are feeling if they are to create good working conditions. Body language, or NVC signals, are sometimes categorised into five kinds: 1. body and facial gestures; 2. eye contract; 3. Body contract or "proximity"; 4. clothing and physical appearance; and 5. the quality of speech. I expect you understood all those, except perhaps "proximity." This simply means "closeness". In some cultures - and I am sure this is a cultural feature and not an individual one - it is quite normal for people to stand close together, or to more or less thrust their face into yours when they are talking to you. In other cultures, this is disliked; Americans, for instance, talk about invasion of their space.

Some signals are probably common to all of us. If a public speaker (like a professor, for example) is all the time fiddling with a pencil, or with his glasses, while he is talking to you, he is telling you quite clearly that he is nervous. A person who holds a hand over his mouth when he is talking is signalling that he is lacking in confidence. If you start wriggling in your chairs, looking secretly at your watches or yawning behind your hands, I shall soon get the message that I'm boring you. And so on. I'm sure you could make a whole list of such signals - and it might be fun if you did.

All the signals I have mentioned so far can be controlled. If you are aware that you are doing these things, you can stop. You can even learn to give false signals. Most public speakers are in fact nervous, but a godd speaker learns to hide this by giving off signals of confidence. Other kinds of NVC are not so easy to control. Eye contact, for instance. Unless you are confessing intense love, you hardly over look into someone else's eyes for very long. If you try it, you'll find they will soon look away, probably in embarrassment.

I've already mentioned proximity, so just a brief word now about our last two categories, which concern the way people dress and the way they speak. These are both pretty obvious signals. People may dress casually and speak casually, which signals that they are relaxed. Or they can dress formally and speak formally, showing their tenseness. In fact, non-verbal communication can, as the saying goes, speak volumes.

假如現在有個人問你，什么是人與人之間的主要交際手段，那么你會說什么？這并不是一個能把人難住了的問題。這個答案簡單而又明確。這幾乎可以肯定，指的就是用語言文字作為交際手段。講話的人和聽講的人用口語進行交際，而寫家與讀者用書面文字進行交際。對了，你答得相當正確。但是，還有一種交際方式是我們大家在不知不覺地大部分時間都在使用的，這就是我們有時稱為的身體語言。身體語言的更加專業化的名稱就是非語言交際。之所以稱為非語言文字的，就是因為這種交際是不用語言文字進行的。縮寫是|NVC。

當某人談了某件事，大多數的歐洲人若是同意了某人所說的事，那么這個歐洲人就會微笑并點頭表示同意。相反，若是你這個歐洲人不同意他們所說的事，那么你可能皺眉并搖搖頭。用這種方式你表示了你對他們所說的事的反應意見，你就一句話也沒說就把你的反應意見傳達給了跟你講話的人。我剛才提到"絕大多數歐洲人"，因為身體語言與文化習俗有很大的聯系，為了不致誤解別人或為了不被別人所誤解你必須意識到這一點。例如，一位華人在微笑時很可能并不表示同意，很可能表示某種有點難為情不好意思。

關于"非語言文字的交際"這一研究課題現在正進行相當大量的工作。比如說，這一研究課題對于經理、總管之類的人員來講，很顯然是重要的。經理之類的人員每天都必須同員工們打交道，并且必須明白，如果經理人員能創造出一個良好的工作環境，那么別人都會有什么感覺。有時可以把身體語言，或者叫非語言文字的交際信號，分成五大類：（1）身體的姿態和面部表情；（2）目光的接觸；（3）身體的接觸或者"親近度"；（4）衣著打扮和天生的長相；（5）講話的態度攻內容。我想，也許除了"親近度"而外，這一切你都明白。這就是講"親近到什么程度"。在某些文化習俗當中--我敢肯定這是某一民族的風俗文化的特征，而不是某一個人的習慣特征--當人們在跟你談話時，跟你站得很近或者或多或少地把臉巾近了你的臉，這都是十分正常的。而在另外一些民族的文化習俗當中，這樣做是人們所不喜歡的。例如，美國人認為你侵犯了他們的隱私空間范圍。

也許有信號是我們大家所共有的。如果一位公開演講的人，在給你們作報告時，他老是在擺弄一支鉛筆或者是擺弄他的眼鏡，那么，他這是很清楚告訴你，他心情很緊張。一個人如果在談話時總是用一只手罩著嘴，這就表明他缺乏自信。如果你們開始不能安穩地坐在椅子上，開始偷偷地不時看看鐘表，或者你們開始用手捂住嘴打哈欠來，那么，我將會馬上得到一個信息，那就是我使你們感到厭倦了。如此等等。我敢肯定你們會把這類感到厭倦的信號列出一整張紙來--如果你們現在就寫的話，可能會很有趣。

我上面所提到的這些信號都是人們可以控制的。如果你意識到了你正在做那些小動作，你就會停止不做了。甚至你們還能學會發生假裝出來的信號。事實上絕大多數公開發表演講的人都心情緊張，但是一位擅長演講的人會發出自信心很強的姿態信號來掩飾緊張的心情。另外幾種非語言文字的交際就不是很容易控制的了。比如說目光接觸吧。除非你坦白承認你深深愛上了她，要不然的話你就不會長時間地凝視著她的眼睛。如果你將來試一試凝視她的眼睛，你就會發現她會扭轉頭把眼睛挪開看其他地方，也許是出于難為情吧。

我上面已經把"親近度"解釋過了。現在用簡明扼要的話講講最后兩大類語言文字交際信號。這兩類涉及到人們穿著的方式和講話的方式。這兩在類都是很明顯的交際信號。凡是穿著隨隨便便而講話又漫不經心的人，這些信號都說明這些人的心情很輕松。如果人們穿得整整齊齊地，講起話來一本正經，這表明他們的心情很緊張很不輕松。事實上，非語言文字的交際，含義是很深的。