Have you ever wondered why you sometimes take an almost immediate liking to a person you have just met? Or worried about why someone you were talking to suddenly became cool and distant? The chances are that it wasn't anything that was said but something that happened: a gesture, a movement, a smile. Social scientists are now devoting considerable attention to "non-verbal communication," what happens when people get together, apart from their actual conversation.

Professor Erving Goffman of the University of Pennsylvania is involved in a continuing study of the way people behave in social interaction. He feels that gestures, movements and physical closeness have meaning which the words that the people are using do not carry.

The closeness of two people when talking, movement towards and away from each other, and the amount of eye contract all reveal something about the nature of the relationship between the two individuals. We tend to be only subconsciously aware, if at all, of the various patterns and rituals of social behavior. We expect other people to act according to the same "rules" that we do, so much so that the manners and behavior of persons from another culture can be extremely confusing.

Fox example, North Americans tend to expect more physical distance between two speakers than do Latin Americans. Consequently, when the Latin American seems to be leaning too close, the North American complains of "invasion of his space." The Latin American, on the other hand, often considers the North American to be "cold" or "distant" because he keeps a greater distance between himself and the person he is speaking to.

Eye contact is one way of measuring the degree of closeness of relationship between two speakers, although there are cultural variations in the meaning of eye contact. In the Middle East, for example, it is considered extremely provocative for a woman to let a man catch her eye, let alone return his gaze. Social psychologist Michael Argyle observes that there is more eye contact between people who like each other than those who are indifferent or hostile towards each other. And the longer the length of the gaze, the more likely it is that the listener is more interested in the person who is speaking, than the actual topic of conversation. Frequently looking down can indicate submissiveness or embarrassment. Looking away repeatedly may express boredom or dislike. Women tend to engage in more eye contract than men, especially when talking to other women.

But too steady eye contact can make one feel uneasy at times. Most people become uncomfortable under the intense gaze of a stare. One scientist suggests that perhaps one reason that man becomes tense under the force of a stare is in his biological ancestors: in apes, a stare signifies aggressiveness and hostility. The person who insistently fixes his eyes on our face is often more successful in arousing our dislike than impressing us with his directness and sincerity.

Similarly, the smile cannot always be interpreted as a sign of friendliness. The person who smiles almost constantly and with little apparent reason makes us uneasy. Even though he may believe that he is expressing friendliness, he may really seem nervous and tense. In other animals, bared teeth are a warning gesture, a danger sign.

Genuine warmth or interest can be revealed in the eyes, suggests Dr. Eckhard Hess of the University of Chicago, who believes that the pupils of the eyes can indicate emotion or interest. The opened pupil tends to be associated with pleasant, satisfying experiences. That special sparkle in the lover's eyes need not be fantasy, for love may make the pupil grow larger. Sometimes when we feel that a person is "warm" or "friendly", it is possible we are reacting to a form of non-verbal communication - his opened pupils.

The next time you are at a party, take note of some of the silent messages being sent around you. Notice which persons seem to draw naturally together to speak, which others try to stay further apart or even avoid meeting each other's eyes. You may find that this silent language is much more fascinating than the actual conversation going on around you.

身體語言

你有沒有想過為什么有時你剛剛見到了一個人，你就會立刻喜歡上這個人？或者你有沒有因為一位正在跟你談話的人突然態度變得很冷而又疏遠，這使你心情感到焦慮不安？這很可能并不是因為你說錯了什么話，而是因為你的一個手勢、一個小動作、一個微笑引起的。社會科學家們現在特別注意"非語言文字的交際"，即當人們到一起時，除了人們實際上所談的話而外所發生的事情。

賓夕法尼亞州立大學歐文o高夫曼教授一直不斷地在研究社會效中人們行為的方式。他認為每做一個手勢、每個動作和身體親近的程度都有著人們的語言所表達不出來的意義。

交談著的兩個人的親密程度，動作上的互相接近或疏遠以及兩個人目光接觸的次數及接觸時間的長短，所有這一切都能表明兩人之間是哪一種關系。一般我們對社會行為的種種規范和禮儀，即使知道該怎么做，也常常是通過下意識才意識到的。我們期待著其他民族也按著我們做事的同樣的"規矩"辦事，以致于來自其他民族文化的人們的待人處事的態度和行為舉止可能會令我們感到極端地困惑不理解。

例如，北美洲的人和拉丁美洲比較起來，北美洲的人希望兩個談話的人之間的距離稍大一點。因而，當拉丁美洲的人似乎把身子湊得離談話對方很近的時候，北美洲的人就會抱怨說你"侵犯了他的私人窨"。相反，拉丁美洲的人經常認為北美洲的人待人都很"冷淡"或"疏遠"，因為北美洲人自己總是跟談話對方之間要保持較大的距離。

目光的接觸是衡量兩個談話人之間關系親密程度的一個標準，盡管在不同的民族文化中對目光接觸的意義有所不同。例如，在中東，如果一位婦女惹得一個男子的注目，就被認為是帶有極端的調逗調情的性質，更不用說回眸再去凝視那個男人了。社會心理學家邁克o阿吉爾覺察到對方的次數和時間，要比兩個互相冷漠甚至敵視的人互相看對方的次數和時間要多。聽講話的人若是凝視講話的人的時間越長，越有可能是，聽講話的人對講話的人本人的舉大過于對他所講的真正的話題的興趣。低頭往下看通常都表示順從或不好意思。反復地扭轉頭看別處可以表達厭煩或不喜歡。婦女比男人更喜歡用目光接觸，特別是在和另外一些婦女談話時更是這樣。

但有時死死地盯著看人，會使人感到不安。被人家盯著看，這會使大多數人感到不舒服。某一位科學家說，人類受到使勁地盯視時會感到緊張，這其中的原因之一就在人類的生活學上的始祖身上：在類人猿中間，瞪著眼睛盯著看，就意味著要侵犯和要敵對。一個人若是用他的兩只眼睛始終不停地直直地看著我們的臉，這樣做不但不會給我們留下這個人很直率很真誠的印象，反而會引起我們的反感。

同樣道理，微笑也并不能總是解釋為友好的表示。如果一個

人老是朝著我們微笑，又沒有明顯的理由，就會使我們感到不安。即使這個人自己認為他是在向你表示友好，很可能讓人覺得那人很緊張很不自然。在其他動物中間，呲牙是警告的姿勢，是一種危險的信號。

真正的熱情和興趣可以從眼神當中表現出來，這是芝加哥埃克哈特. 赫斯博士提出來的。他認為眼睛的瞳孔可以表達感情和興趣。瞳孔擴張一般總是與愉快的令人滿意的經歷有關。情人眼神中閃現出的神采不一定就是你的幻覺，因為愛情可以使瞳孔擴大。有時我們覺得某人"熱情"、"友好"，這很可能是我們對他所用的非語言文字的交際形式作出了反應--他的瞳孔擴大了。

下次你參加社交聚會時，多留意一下你周圍的人所傳送的無聲的語言信息。注意一下，哪些人很自然地就聚擾在一起談話，注意一下還有哪些人互相間盡量離得遠些，甚至盡量避免接觸對方的目光。你會發現這些無聲的語言遠遠比你周圍的人所實際進行的有聲的交談更能觸動人們的心靈。