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One night, Mrs. Riley, an elderly widow, was walking along a dark, London street. She was carrying her handbag in one hand and a plastic carrier bag in the other. There was nobody else ill the street except two youths. They were standing in a dark shop doorway. One of them was very tall with fair hair; the other was short and fat with a beard and moustache.
The youths waited for a few moments, and then ran quickly and quietly towards Mrs. Riley. The tall youth held her from behind while the other youth tried to snatch her handbag.
Suddenly, Mrs. Riley threw the tall youth over her shoulder. He crashed into the other youth and they both landed on the ground. Without speaking, Mrs. Riley struck both of them on the head with her handbag, and walked calmly away.
The two surprised youths were still sitting on the ground when Mrs. Riley crossed the street towards a door with a lighted sign above it. Mrs. Riley paused, turned round, smiled at the youths and walked into the South West London Judo Club.
(The scene is in a bank. A clerk is sitting behind the desk and a customer is writing out a cheque.)
Clerk: Would you mind showing me your cheque card?
Customer: Certainly. Here you are.
(Suddenly a robber bursts in, he is holding a gun.)
Robber: This is a hold-up! (points gun at Clerk) Hands up! Hand over the money or I'll shoot.
Clerk: Just a minute. Would you mind waiting your turn? This lady was before you.
Robber: All right, but hurry up!
Clerk: (to the customer) How would you like the money?
Customer: In fives, please.
(Clerk counts out the money and hands it to the Customer, who goes to the side to count the money.)
Clerk: (to the Robber) Now then, sir. What can I do for you?
Robber: I've just told you. This is a hold-up and I want some money.
Clerk: Well, I'm afraid it's not that easy. If you want me to give you some money, you'll have to open account first.
Robber: Do you mean that if I open all account, then you'll give me some money?
Clerk: That would be the first step.
Robber: Okay, I'll open an account. Hand over the form. Quickly.
Clerk: (gets a form) Here we are. Just fill it in and sign at the bottom.
Robber: I haven't got a pen!
Customer: You could borrow mine if you like.
Robber: Thanks.
(The Robber tries to fill in the form, but has difficulties because he is holding the gun in his right hand and is unable to write with his left hand.)
Customer: If it would make things easier, I'll hold that for you (points to gun).
Robber: Okay.
(The Customer holds the gun while the Robber fills in the form. When the Robber has finished, the Customer hands back the gun. )
Robber: Right. Now hand over the money. Quickly.
Clerk: I'm sorry, but before we can open the account you'll need referees.
Robber: (points to Customer) Will she do?
Customer: I'd be happy to write a reference.
Clerk: No, she doesn't know you well enough.
Robber: What about my doctor?
Clerk: Yes, that'll be fine for one. And the other?
Robber: (thinks hard) Would my probation officer do?
Clerk: Yes, I should think so. Would you like to ask him to fill in these forms and then bring them back next week?
Robber: So, if I bring back these forms next week, you'll give me some money?
Clerk: Well, we'll see what we can do.
Robber: (holds up forms and puts gun away) Right, then, I'll see you next week. Thanks for being so helpful.
Clerk: It's all part of the service. Good morning.
Robber: Good morning.
Customer: Good morning.
