BEFORE - Don't stop
AFTER - Don't start

BEFORE - Is that all you're having?
AFTER - Maybe you should have just a salad, honey

BEFORE - It's like I'm living in a dream
AFTER - It's like he lives in a dorm(宿舍)

BEFORE - We agree on everything
AFTER - Doesn't she have a mind of her own?

BEFORE - I love a woman with curves(皺摺)
AFTER - I never said you were fat

BEFORE - Time stood still
AFTER - This relationship is going nowhere

BEFORE - I can hardly believe we found each other
AFTER - I can't believe I ended up with someone like you

You and Your Computer( 你和你的電腦）
 It is time to reassess your relationship with your
computer when....（到了重新評價你和你的電腦的關(guān)系時候了當(dāng)......)
1. You wake up at 4 O'clock in the morning to go to the    bathroom and stop to check your email on the way back to   bed.(你早晨四點醒來去廁所，回臥室時去檢查郵件。）
2. You turn off your computer and get an awful empty    feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.    （當(dāng)你關(guān)掉電腦時感到很遺憾，好象離開你的情人一樣。）
3. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or    two, just for the free internet access.（你決定再在大學(xué)呆一兩年，只為的是用免費因特網(wǎng)。）
4. You laugh at people with 28.8 modems.（你嘲笑用28.8比特調(diào)制解調(diào)的人）
5. You start using smiles :-) in your snail mail.(你在一般的信件中，開始用微笑符號 :-))
6. You find yourself typing "com" after every period when
    using a word processor.com （當(dāng)你做文字處理時，你不由自主地在句號后面打com)
7. You can't correspond with your mother because she doesn't
    have a computer.(你不能和你母親通信，因為她沒有電腦。）
8. When your email box shows "no new messages" and you feel
    really depressed.（當(dāng)你發(fā)現(xiàn)信箱中沒有“新郵件”時，你感到非常沮喪。）
9. You don't know the gender of your three closest friends
    because they have nondescript screen name and you never
    bothered to ask.（你不知道你三個最好朋友的性別，因為他們在屏幕上的名字難以辨認(rèn)出，而你從不想問。）
10. You move into a new house and you decide to netscape
     before you landscape.（你搬進(jìn)新家，你決定先建網(wǎng)景再建風(fēng)景。）

A Surprising Wedding Toast
   "And finally, may the happy couple lie, steal and cheat. (Pause, then explains) May they lie in each other's arms, may they steal away for a blissful honeymoon, and may they cheat time to live as long as possible." (note: "lie

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